Dogs are friendly, loyal, arch (sometimes), caring and best of all – amusing by nature. It’s why bodies accept accustomed them the apt nickname, “man’s best friend.” They do asinine and ambiguous things at times, which makes for actually amusing dog jokes, memes and puns.
I’ve scoured the internet aback and forth, apprehend endless dog antic books and consulted with adolescent dog-lovers. This is our curated account of the top 100 (in no accurate order) best jokes and dog puns of our bristling friends, easily down.
Leave a animadversion beneath if you anticipate a antic can able into our accepted account of the top 100. We constantly update this list.
RECOMMENDED: 101 Best Dog Puns Pawsitive to Accomplish You Laugh
Table of Contents
Funny Dog Jokes
Long-winded Dog Jokes
1. The Woman with a Bedmate that Thinks He’s a Dog
A woman walks into a psychoanalyst’s appointment and says, “doctor, my bedmate thinks he’s a dog! I don’t apperceive what to do! Amuse help.”
The doctor replies, “Okay, accept him get on the couch.”
The woman bound airtight back, “Wait, no, he’s not accustomed on the couch!”
2. The Agitation of Aerial your Dog
A woman alleged an airline customer-service lath allurement if it was accessible to fly with her dog on board.
“Sure,” the airline abettor said, “as continued as you accommodate your own kennel.”
She connected to explain that the abode bare to be ample abundant for the dog to angle up, sit down, about-face around, and cycle over.
The chump was perplexed: “I’ll never be able to advise him all of that by tomorrow!”
3. Baron of the Jungle: Dog vs. Lion
A absent dog beasts into a jungle. A bobcat sees this from a ambit and says with caution, “This guy looks edible, i’ve never apparent his affectionate before.”
So the bobcat starts hasty appear the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic, but as he’s about to run, he sees some basic abutting to him and gets an idea. He says loudly, “Mmm…that was some acceptable bobcat meat!”
The bobcat abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher again he looks, I bigger leave while I can.” Over by the timberline top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can account from this bearings by cogent the bobcat and accepting article in return. So the monkey gain to acquaint the bobcat what absolutely happened. The bobcat says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together.” And they alpha hasty aback to the dog.
The dog sees them and accomplished what happened, starting to agitation alike more. He again gets addition abstraction and shouts,
“Where the hell is that monkey! I told him to accompany me addition bobcat an hour ago…”
(via reddit user shotuken)
4. The Collie-flower
As I was walking bottomward the artery the added day, I saw my acquaintance affairs a bridle with a allotment of Banknote on the end. I asked him “why are you affairs forth a advance with a Banknote on the end?”
He Replied: “Oh no, the man who awash it to me said it was a Collie!!”
5. Three Dogs and a Admirable Poodle
Three handsome macho dogs are walking bottomward the artery back they see a beautiful, enticing, changeable Poodle. The males are aghast afore her beauty, slobbering on themselves and acquisitive for aloof a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her accessible aftereffect on the three suitors, she tells them, “The aboriginal one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” calm in an imaginative, able book can go out with me.”
The sturdy, able-bodied atramentous Lab speaks up bound and says “I adulation alarmist and cheese.” She replies, “Oh, how childish, that shows no acuteness or intelligence whatsoever.”
She angry to the tall, agleam Aureate Retriever and he blurts, “Uhhh…I ABHORRENCE alarmist and cheese.”
“I assumption it’s hopeless. That’s aloof as impaired as the Lab’s line,” said the Poodle.
She again turns to the aftermost of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The aftermost of the three was a tiny little chihuahua. The chihuahua gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Aureate Retriever and the Lab and says, “Liver alone, cheese mine.”
(via reddit user xSavageLlamax)
6. Two Men are Walking their Dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua)
They’re accepting athirst and absitively to grab a chaw at a adjacent restaurant. At the access of the door, a ample assurance reads: “NO DOGS ALLOWED”.
The man with the doberman says, “I apperceive what to do, aloof chase my lead.” He throws on a brace of sunglasses and walks in. The aide credibility to the assurance and says “I’m apologetic sir, dogs are allowed.” The man replies, “Oh, i’m dark and this is my adviser dog.”
“A doberman for a adviser dog?” The apprehensive aide asks.
“Yes, Dobermans are actual loyal and protective. They’re built-in for the job” replied the man. The aide sighs and leads the man to a table.
The additional man throws on his sunglasses and walks in. The aide tells him “I’m apologetic sir, we don’t acquiesce dogs here.” The man says “Oh, you don’t understand. I’m dark and this is my adviser dog.”
“A chihuahua for a adviser dog?” The affronted aide asks.
“A chihuahua?” The man asks. “They gave me a chihuahua?!”
(via reddit user primetime22)
7. The Best Advantageous Dog
On a ablaze and aboriginal Sunday morning, my wife said to me, “Our dog is so smart!. He’ll accompany in the circadian newspapers every distinct morning.”
I reply, “It’s not that special. Abounding dogs do the same.”
My wife responded, “But we aren’t subscribed to any newspapers!”
8. The ‘Genius’ Dog
As a boner is shooing abroad a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 bill and a agenda in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and bound closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him delay for a blooming light, attending both ways, and amble beyond the alley to a bus-stop. The dog checks the calendar and sits on the bench. Back a bus arrives, he walks about to the advanced and looks at the number, again boards the bus. The boner follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus campaign out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. Afterwards awhile he stands on his aback paws to advance the “stop” bell, afresh the boner follows him off. The dog runs up to a abode and drops his bag on the step. He goes aback bottomward the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- adjoin the door. He does this afresh and again. No answer. So he all-overs on a wall, walks about the garden, beats his arch adjoin a window, all-overs off, and waits at the advanced door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.
The boner runs up and screams at the guy: “What the hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius!” The buyer responds, “Genius, my ass… It’s the additional time this anniversary he’s abandoned his keys!”
(via reddit user NeetStreet_)
9. The Big Bulldog
I man walks into an beastly hospital with his Bi-weekly and says “My dog is cross-eyed, can you fix it?”
The vet replies, “Let’s accept a attending at whats wrong.” The vet picks the dog up while analytical his eyes. Afterwards thoroughly analytical the dog for a few minutes, he says, “I’m activity to accept to put him down.”
“What?! You’re activity to put him bottomward because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he is really, absolutely heavy.”
10. Aberration Amid a Cat and Dog
A woman lives with both a cat and dog. Accustomed she’ll augment them, apple-pie up afterwards them and accommodate affluence of adulation and attention.
The dog is actual grateful. As the buyer approaches the dog and fills his basin with kibbles, the dog thinks ” Wow, you do all this for me, everyday. You charge be god.”
The buyer again walks over to the cat and gives her circadian food. The cat thinks to herself, ” Wow, you do all this for me, everyday. I charge be god.”
Classic Abbreviate Dog Jokes
11. Question: What do you alarm a dog that’s been larboard alfresco in the cold?
Answer: A chilli-dog
12. Question: Area does a dog go afterwards it loses its tail?
Answer: The retail store
13. Question: What is Dracula’s admired dog breed?
Answer: The Bloodhound
14. Question: What do you alarm a dog that’s additionally a magician?
Answer: A labra-cadabra-dor
15. Question: What is a dog’s admired burghal to be in?
Answer: New Yorkie
16. Question: What do you alarm a dog that’s clumsy to bark?
Answer: A hushpuppy
17. Question: What affectionate of dog is accomplished and befitting time?
Answer: A watchdog
18. Question: What affectionate of dog can jump college than a building?
Answer: Any affectionate of dog. Barrio can’t jump!
19. Question: A dog is watching his admired YouTube video of a bouncing ball. How does he stop the video?
Answer: He presses the “paws” button.
20. Question: What do dogs eat at the cine theaters?
21. Question: What happens back you buy a dog from a blacksmith?
Answer: As anon as he gets to the home, he’ll accomplish a bolt for the door.
22. Question: What dog will beam at any joke?
Answer: A Chi-ha-ha
23. Question: What happened to dog that had her puppies on the sidewalk?
Answer: She got ticketed for littering.
24. Question: What did the Dalmatian say as it started abrading it’s neck?
Answer: Ahhh yeaaa, that’s the SPOT!
25. Question: Why do dogs like sandpaper?
Answer: Because they’re ruff.
26. Question: Why did the snowman name his dog “frost?”
Answer: Because “frost” bites
27. Question: Why are German shepherds agnate to trees?
Answer: They both accept a big bark.
28. Question: What do you alarm a afraid dog?
Answer: A hot dog
29. Question: What do you do back your dog chews up your dictionary?
Answer: You booty the words appropriate out of its mouth
30. Question: What affectionate of instruments do dogs love?
Answer: The trombone
More dog jokes:
Funny Dog Memes
Memes and dogs go calm like peanut adulate and jelly. You apperceive that expression, a account is account a thousand words? With a little advice from the internet, dog memes advice you array through all those words.
31. This dog assuredly did what all dogs aspire to do. Now what abroad to do this life?
32. This is what all dog owners abhorrence back abrogation their dog with grandma. Did addition say absolute treats?
34. Lab testing appropriate for all adorable food
35. What would you do?
36. Why hooman? Why?
37. I’m additionally not accustomed to comedy with mom’s shoes *Wink wink*
38. Acreage dog, accommodated baptize dog.
39. Doggo: am i accomplishing it right?
40. Account over. Back can you start?
Jokes by Dog Breed
All dogs are great, but theres a acumen why some dog breeds are added ‘meme-able’ than others. Whether they’re aloof added amusing or funny-looking, there are aloof those assertive breeds that are accepted with memes and jokes.
What’s apparently the best funny-looking dog breed? With abbreviate legs and a ample butt, corgis may be accept taken the block for the title.
41. Aloof leave the poor corgi alone!
42. Question: What happens back you affix a corgi to a battery?
Answer: You get a short-circuit.
43. Question: What is the better botheration with corgi jokes?
Answer: All corgi jokes end up actuality too short.
44. But, but…it’s peanut butter!
45. Jurassic Case introduces: the Corgi-saurus Rex!
46. Question: What’s addition name for an ample corgi?
Answer: Low fat
47. Archetypal Behavior Corgi Owners apperceive all too well.
A corgi walks into a bar. Bartender aeon over the counter. “Got any treats?” asks the corgi.
“Nope, and we don’t serve dogs here. Go away.” says the bartender.
Corgi allotment afterwards a few minutes. “You got any treats?”
“No. No dogs accustomed in here. Amuse leave now.” the affronted bartender replied.
Corgi leaves, but allotment yet again.
Losing all patience, the bartender actively exclaims, “I told you already, no dogs accustomed in here. If I see your bristling little bill in actuality again, I’m gonna attach your appendage to the floor.”
And of advance the (tail-less) corgi anon replies, “Got any treats?”
48. The Corgi-way of activity #sploot
49. Question: A corgi is demography out a sausage dog to dog prom, what does he get her?
Answer: A Cor-sage.
50. The three altered shades of aliment (and corgi)
51. Houston, we accept liftoff….
52. Archetypal Corgi Behavior #alwayshungry
53. Question: How does a corgi alleviate a door?
Answer: Application a Corg-key.
54. All corgis anticipate alike.
55. Question: Why couldn’t the corgi accommodate his acquaintance money?
Answer: Because he was Pembroke.
56. Is this a corgi or a loaf?
Hilarious Croaking Jokes
Huskies are generally accepted as the dog brand of a thousand expressions, which accomplish them absolute for dog jokes and memes.
57. Question: What do you alarm a atramentous eskimo dog?
Answer: A adusk husky.
58. Don’t anytime blend with angry husky. Or else…
59. This is absolutely the croaking every croaking buyer wishes they had.
60. Accepting a chat with my friend…
Me: What dog did you get?
Me: (In a low voice) what dog did you get?
61. Every croaking buyer has a “special” dog. 🙂
62. This is absolutely bluntly #huskylogic
63. The boy and his sled dog
A little boy pulls out his sled, absorbed to a distinct ample dog. An earlier boy spots the little boy disturbing to get the dog to run.
“Isn’t your dog a little fat to be affairs your sled?” he asks.
The little boy replies “my dog isn’t fat, he’s aloof a little husky.”
64. What do huskies and bodies accept in common?
65. Addition alarm me if they amount out how to accommodate a husky.
66. The croaking that forgot how to dog.
Shiba Inu (Doge Memes)
The acknowledged baron of dog memes is the abominable Shiba Inu, aka the DOGE.
67. Angelic Crap, it’s Batdog!
68. Question: A shiba inu is arcade for a new laptop. What’s his admired computer brand?
69. The Artifice Dream: To be a Shia Pet
70. Artifice argumentation on dieting
71. Poor doge. Break in bed forever.
72. Abundant black doge
Hilarious Dog Puns
A pun is a anatomy of a antic that emphasizes a comedy on words. We accomplishment altered meanings of a specific chat or similar-sounding words for amusing puns. Back it comes to dogs, puns are everywhere. Actuality are 27 amusing dog puns that all dog owners and lovers will acquisition funny.
73. As the men started to access the Dalmatian, the dog aimlessly jumped abaft a backcountry to abstain actuality spotted.
74. I can’t accept the cat won the dog show, it was absolutely a CAT-astrophe.
75. By accepting your loyal accompaniment dog by your side, annihilation is pawsible.
76. He actually rings a bell
77. Greyhound dogs never end up communicable the rabbit. Every dog has a bad hare day.
78. The absolute acumen why old dogs can’t apprentice new tricks is because they end up bistro all their appointment from accordance school.
79. My abecedary already told me that the smartest dog breed can be begin at the Border of Colliefornia.
80. Consistently accumulate your dogs calm during astringent winter storms to anticipate any pupsicles.
81. I went to a Shih Tzu and alone begin one dog. Now area can i acquisition a acceptable zoo?
82. The aureate retriever told the analytical poodle, “you won’t acquisition what you’re attractive for, you’re barking up the amiss tree.”
83. The Basset consistently down-covered beneath a timberline accouterment some adumbration because he never capital to be mistaken for a hot dog.
84. The dog groomer told his dentist, “there’s annihilation amiss with my canines – I apple-pie them every distinct day.”
85. It’s the Year of the Dog. I achievement it won’t be a ruff year.
86. I threw a brawl into the Admirable Coulee and my dog retrieved it canicule later. I apperceive this sounds a bit far-fetched, but it’s true!
87. Did you apperceive that feeding grapes to your dog can annihilate them? Oh, you did? I’m aloof raisin’ awareness.
88. I’m accepting affronted of my dog. Aloof the added day he was barking all night with almost any paws in between.
89. My dog consistently goes out to comedy and comes aback with boundless itching. I accept to say it absolutely ticks me off.
90. Did you apperceive that the medical appellation for owning too abounding dogs is alleged an Rover-dose?
91. All I appetite is amends for my paw.
92. Afterwards it was aqueous bodies and dogs aftermost night, i about stepped in a poodle on my way out.
93. For a continued time, my baseball drillmaster capital to recruit my dog to the team. I assumption it was because my dog consistently got walked.
94. What happens back you cantankerous a bunny and a dog? You end up accepting a rabid dog.
95. Back your dog is bugging you to booty him out for a walk, it can absolutely be a dog-matic situation.
96. My dogs are alert to the TV every time there’s a Hairy Pawter chase airing.
97. I consistently use collie flour whenever i broil dog biscuits for my Border.
98. My dog wants to get into the architecture business. He’s an accomplished roofer.
99. My dog wants to eat annihilation but woofles for breakfast.
100. Did you apprehend about the Avengers’ new superhero dog? I anticipate it was a labra-thor.
More dog puns:
- Top 101 Best Amusing Dog Puns Pawsitive to Accomplish You Laugh
- 11 Dog Puns that are Ruff on the Ears
- Pawsitively Pawesome Cat and Dog Puns
These are our picks for the top 100 dog jokes (including puns and memes) on the internet. We can’t accessible accept bent everything. So if you anticipate you accept a antic that can able this list, bead a bulletin in the animadversion area below! We’d adulation to apprehend your dog joke!
We affiance to accumulate afterlight this list. Bookmark this folio for approaching laughs.
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